Friendly Fire
by thyme2read
Summary: KOTOR I. "A love triangle, is it? Doesn't our girl have enough to worry about without you two kath hounds fighting over her like the last chicken leg?" LSF Revan. One shot.


_After not playing the game for years, I suddenly felt nostalgic for the world of KOTOR. This is my first foray into the Star Wars universe, so I started with something light. Later on I may try my hand at something more angsty. Hope you all enjoy!_

_Note: Light side female Revan, a.k.a. Jorinda Halcyon._

* * *

Nearly a year after the Star Forge had been extinguished and the dark Lord Malak nullified, the Prodigal Knight and the crew of the _Ebon Hawk_ all agreed to get together for a little merrymaking.

Revan, or Jorinda as her friends knew her, had chosen the spot: a nice little resort on the edge of a cliff overlooking the oceans of Alderaan. Initially, she and the other females of the group had proposed holding a posh, formal event, but since the majority of their party were men (including one Wookiee), they had to settle for a barbeque. A fancy barbeque, Revan insisted.

"We may be eating primal, but that doesn't mean we have to dress like cavemen," she said, pinning a large, tropical bloom into her hair. She half twirled in front of the mirror then nodded, satisfied with her appearance. "How do I look, HK?"

HK-47's red eyes dimmed in disappointment at her sweeping aqua gown and silver filigree cuff bracelets. "Observation: Not very threatening, master."

She rolled her eyes. "You _are_ going to behave yourself tonight, aren't you?"

"Statement: Of course, master. I wouldn't dream of disobeying your orders," hummed the assassin droid, in that tone that was never quite convincing. "However much I might wish to instigate mayhem and destruction, I will have to content myself with observing the fowl and cattle flesh roasting on the rotisserie."

There was a chime at the door, and with a final warning for HK to refrain from any harmful activities, including "accidents," she glided down the hallway to answer it.

Mission and her Wookiee friend were the first to arrive. "Hey there! Long time no see," said the spunky blue Twi'lek, then Zaalbar roared gleefully and enveloped Revan in one of his friendly, suffocating hugs.

Jolee Bindo came next, carrying with him some large bowl of something or other. "Whoa, Zaalbar! Don't crush the little lady, now!" Then he turned to Revan and chuckled. "Well, well. Look at you all gussied up. I'd rather like a hug myself, if you don't mind."

"You dear old rascal, of course I don't mind." After all, the quirky old badger was the closest thing she had to a grandfather. "This looks delicious." She handed the bowl over to T3-M4, who wheeled it away to the kitchen.

"Root salad," said Jolee. "I don't know about you, but where I come from you just _can't_ have a barbeque without a good old, savory root salad on the side."

A little while later Bastila and Juhani arrived from Coruscant, looking just as poised and reserved as always.

"We are honored to be here, O great one!" Juhani was a creature of extremes, and made a great show of groveling obsequiously.

"None of that, if you please," said Revan. "No titles, no ceremonies, no orders. Tonight we're all just good friends, as it should be."

* * *

Carth Onasi took one last look at the little gold ring before snapping the case shut and tucking it securely back into his pocket. Tonight was the night, and needless to say, he was a little nervous. Not that he expected a refusal: things had been pretty much settled between him and Jorinda since that fateful day on Lehon. It was just that, well, destiny had a way of handing him the stick instead of the carrot, and he was worried that something might go wrong.

"Chill out, Dad. We're almost there," said Dustil, who was acting as co-pilot.

Carth had it all planned out. After dinner, when everyone else had gone, he'd take Jorinda out onto the balcony, make a nice little unrehearsed speech and slip the ring onto her finger. Then she'd cry, say yes, and all would be right with the universe.

* * *

Revan glanced toward the landing pad once more, becoming more anxious by the minute. She was just dying to see a certain Republic pilot again. During the past year, the Republic and Jedi Council had needed them in separate places to deal with the remaining Sith forces, so she hadn't seen much of her "swain," as Jolee referred to him. They'd spoken many times through electronic means, of course, but it wasn't quite the same.

Presently, a Republic shuttle swooped overhead and hovered down to a halt on the pavement.

Carth was his usual, roguishly handsome self, dressed in a rusty-colored shirt with dark trousers, his hair and whiskers all neatly groomed.

"Hey, Beautiful," he said, with that hunky smile that made her melt like butter all over again. "Wow. You look…gorgeous. Of course you always look gorgeous-you just, you know, look even more gorgeous than usual."

Revan giggled and took the arm that he offered her. Carth wasn't exactly good with words, but his heart was in the right place. "You haven't changed a bit, Mr. 'Handsome Thug.'"

"Hey, I thought we'd agreed on 'handsomest pilot in the galaxy.'"

"Gimme a break," mumbled Dustil. He shuffled over to the rest of the group, looking as though he'd rather be anywhere else.

Everyone spent the next quarter hour catching up, then Mission said, "Hey, we're missing someone, aren't we? There's supposed to be ten of us."

"There are ten of us," said Dustil.

"No, I meant from the _crew_," she clarified. "Where's that grumpy old merc guy that used to work for Davik?"

"Canderous," hissed Juhani. "And if you ask me, the party is going pleasantly enough without him."

"Can't argue with that," muttered Carth.

"Oh, stop it, you two," said Revan. "Canderous might be a little, well…"

"Beligerent?" supplied Juhani.

Carth snickered. "Obnoxious, pig-headed…"

"Gruff," corrected Revan, "but he's still one of us. Need I remind you that if it weren't for him most of us would be nothing more than burnt ash on the surface of Taris?" And unlike the others, at least he didn't talk her ear off as though she were his own personal shrink or life coach.

Juhani and Carth bristled, but said nothing further.

"We've all made our share of mistakes," said Bastila. "The important thing is to learn from them. Let us not focus on the negative-"

"-Yes. Very good, Bastila. Would you like a cookie?" cut in Jolee. Bastila Shan was the Princess of Preach, and if you let her she might well go on for hours.

When Canderous finally did make his appearance, he was fashionably late- in more ways than one, and when Revan saw him her words died on her tongue.

Instead of his usual black tank, tattered leather vest and gun belt, Canderous was decked out in style, with a long-sleeved, white shirt, a steel grey sweater vest, and charcoal trousers. And was that _cologne_? The only thing that hadn't changed was his salt and pepper hair, which was slicked back as always.

What the heck was she gawking at, Canderous wondered. She said it was supposed to be a fancy barbeque, didn't she? He opened his mouth to say just that when he spied Carth shifting uncomfortably, flexing his fingers the way he always did when there was a potential enemy around. Then a wayward idea flashed into the Mandalorian's head and he smiled.

"Revan," he breathed almost reverently. "I must say, you look _absolutely stunning_ this evening." And without breaking eye contact he caught up one of her hands and raised it to his lips.

In turn she blinked, coloring. It was an odd gesture coming from Canderous Ordo, and odder still, the feeling had brought butterflies to her stomach. Recovering herself, she said playfully, "Why, Canderous! Who knew you could be such a charmer? And what's this you've brought?"

"Oh, just a little something to go with the barbeque," he said, handing her the bottle.

"Corellian wine," she read from the label. "The expensive kind, too. How nice!"

"It'd go even better with a knuckle sandwich," Carth grumbled under his breath.

Just then HK-47 appeared in the hallway. "Announcement: Dinner is ready. Come and eat all you meatbags…and Master."

Once everyone was assembled around the table, HK-47 brought in a gigantic nerf roast that had been seasoned and grilled to perfection.

Canderous took the opportunity to snatch the carving knife, and HK's red eyes flashed dangerously. "Warning: I'd put that down if I were you, meatbag."

"Cool it, slim. I'm just going to do the honors."

"Statement: But Master Revan promised me that I would do the honors." He tilted his head to one side. "Coercion: Return the cutlery, or it'll be your gelatinous head sitting on the platter instead."

"HK," Revan crossed her arms. "I thought I ordered you not to attack anyone."

"Query: A droid can threaten, can't he?"

"Not tonight he can't."

"Statement: Darn."

"Here, you old rust bucket. I won't deny you your one pleasure. Peace time must be just as trying for you as it is for me." Canderous handed the knife back, then leaned over and whispered something to the droid.

HK-47 uttered a grating, electrical snicker. "Apology: I take it back. You are a meatbag after my own heart, Mandalorian."

The droid proceeded to slice and serve the roast, but when it was Carth's turn he took especial care to provide him with the thinnest slice possible before giving the rest of the meat to Zaalbar.

"Oh, is that what you two were snickering about? Very funny, Canderous."

"What? I didn't do anything."

Bastila rolled her eyes. "Really, gentleman. Can't we ever get together without these ridiculous little pranks?"

"Where'd be the fun in that?" said Jolee, chuckling himself. "Here, sport. Have some more of Bindo's Legendary Root Salad." And he clumped a large spoonful onto Carth's plate.

The look on Carth's face had been comical and Revan had laughed in spite of herself. But feeling guilty now, she looked pointedly at Canderous and said, "Bastila's right. Let's all try to be civil, shall we?"

He bowed. "To hear is to obey."

For the next couple of hours, Canderous exerted all his energies into behaving like a near perfect gentleman. It wasn't easy, but the hostile looks on Carth's face made it _well_ worth it. Besides, he found he rather liked being gawked by all these lofty ladies, most especially when it was the one and only Revan doing the gawking. It never occurred to him that she might actually reciprocate if he showed an interest. Even Bastila stole a glance or two in his direction, though she covered it with a snide remark about his "extraordinary transformation."

All the while, Carth huffed and puffed. At one point, when their charming hostess had stepped out of earshot, Canderous took the opportunity of plaguing him even further.

"Jealous much, Carth? What's the matter? Revan getting tired of your whining?"

The shorter man whirled on his new rival. "Lay off my lady, pal!"

"Your lady? Last I heard she was fair game." He made a show of eyeing her appreciatively. "_Very _fair game."

Knowing that he'd never win if it came to blows, Carth stuck to verbal sparring. "Don't you have somewhere else to be, Candy? Like, oh I don't know, haunting the slums, drinking yourself into a stupor, or maybe you could practice reciting some more of your phony war stories."

That one hit the mark, and Carth congratulated himself. Canderous prided himself almost as much for his story telling skills as for his actual exploits.

"War stories?" said Revan. "Are you talking about another one of your battles, Canderous?"

Carth mentally slapped himself. It always irked him to no end that she enjoyed listening to the old merc's yarns, all never ending tales of guts and glory.

"I was just telling Carth that I'm thinking about writing my memoires."

"Oh, what a great idea!" She clapped her hands. "Could you tell us one of your stories now?"

"Well…"

She batted her eyelashes. "Please?"

"Alright." Not that he needed much coaxing. "I'll tell you about the battle we fought against you, Revan, at Malachor V."

Her eyes widened even more and she took up the place at his left, the better to drink in every detail. She was always eager to learn more about her past, especially since the Jedi Council hadn't been very communicative on that subject.

"You kids might want to take a stroll. This story is not for the faint of heart."

"Hey, I ain't no kid!" snapped Mission.

"Neither am I," said Dustil, "but I'm sick of hearing about war. There's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight, Mission. Wanna come with?"

"Sure!"

Canderous made himself comfortable in the center of the room. "As you all know, it was four years ago, and things were looking bleak for the Republic. The fleets had assembled around Malachor V…"

* * *

"…Then you left, taking Mandalore's Helmet with you, thereby ensuring that a new leader could never be chosen. After that, we all know what happened. The clans were lost, scattered, wandering along the Outer Rim with no sense of direction or purpose," he finished tragically.

Revan stared into space, pondering the ramifications of it all. Unlike Canderous's other stories, this one had a sobering effect on her. She could now clearly see that the drastic measures she'd used at Malachor V, culminating in the brutal execution of Mandalore the Ultimate, had been the turning point in her life. "What a shame… That it had to end that way, I mean. You were such a mighty people…"

"Who were slaughtering civilians right and left."

"Don't blame us for your stupidity, Republic. Military bases should never be built in the midst of heavily populated areas. It takes too long to evacuate. If your leaders don't know that, then they're either brainless or they essentially signed the population's death warrants themselves."

Revan stood up abruptly. "I… I think I need some air."

"You've upset her," chided Bastila, once she had gone. "First you, with your horror stories, and then you with your petty bickering."

"She wanted to hear it," Canderous protested. "And she's led us through worse."

"I'll go talk to her," said Carth.

* * *

She was leaning against the railing, looking down at the waves. Carth thought she never looked more beautiful than she did then, framed by the moonlight with the night wind in her hair. It was the perfect moment, and he summed up his courage.

"Jorinda, is everything ok?"

She smiled ruefully. "Come to give me a pep talk, have you? It's about time you returned the favor."

He smiled back. "So what's bothering you? Was it the story?"

"Yes, and no. It's much more than that."

He hoisted himself up onto the railing beside her. "Such as? I'm all ears, Beautiful."

She knit her brows. "It's just, everything! All my actions seem to have galactic consequences. It's a little frightening sometimes, you know?"

"It's overwhelming."

"Yes!"

"Then maybe it's time to make a change; try to settle down and do something more ordinary with your life."

"Like what?"

Carth hopped down and collected her hands. After gazing into her eyes for a long moment, he said, "You know how I feel about you. I've really missed you, ya know."

"I've missed you too, Carth," she whispered, her heart pounding in her ears.

"What I'm trying to say is," he took out the ring case and knelt. "Would you be Mrs. Carth Onasi?"

"Don't do it!" Canderous shouted, crashing onto the scene.

"Wha-You ruined the moment, you jerk!"

"Let me handle this." Revan craned her neck to glare at the Mandalorian. "Were you listening at the door?"

"Uh, well…" The old merc straightened and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah."

Slap!

"What was that for?"

"You ruined the moment, you jerk!"

"But you deserve so much better! Why would you want to marry that wimp when you can have me?"

"You?" The little lady's ire melted into surprise. "I didn't know you cared."

"What are you talkin' about? Of course I care!" A starry-eyed look came over him. "It was working alongside you that brought meaning back into my life. You're so lethal, and practical! You're the most resourceful woman I've ever met, aside from being a legendary warrior. How could I not love you?"

"I figured as much," grumbled Carth. "He doesn't care anything about you, Jorinda! He just likes the idea of being the one to clinch the Prodigal Knight. Isn't that right, Candy?"

Canderous grit his teeth. "You'd better shut your mouth if you want to leave this place alive."

Revan looked from one to the other, utterly confused. She never in a million years expected a surly war dog like Canderous to make her an offer! And yet here he was, placing her on the proverbial pedestal and challenging her man. It was both flattering and disturbing. "I thought it was all in jest. Are you sure you're not just itching for a fight?"

"What? With that one?" he scoffed. "I already told you, I got my fill of squashing bugs on Taris."

"That does it!" The Republic pilot reached for his blasters, but since he'd left those in the shuttle he decided to launch his fists at his opponent instead. "You asked for this!"

"Idiot," spat the Mandalorian, holding him back by the top of his head like a little kid. Next thing they knew, they were both being hurled through the air in opposite directions.

"Enough!" cried Revan. "I won't be the cause of this!" And she stormed back into the building, just as everyone else clambered outside to see what the trouble was.

Dustil and Mission came running from around the corner. "We heard shouting and stuff! What's the deal?"

Jolee narrowed his eyes. "Bastila, check on Revan for me, will you? The rest of you go back inside. I'll deal with these knuckle heads." The old hermit crossed his arms and shot them his best withering look. "A love triangle, is it? Doesn't our girl have enough to worry about without you two kath hounds fighting over her like the last chicken leg?"

Canderous sighed. "You're right. That was stupid."

"Worse than stupid! You were being reckless and selfish. Why don't you stop to think about what's best for her instead of what's best for yourselves?"

"I just want to make her happy!" protested Carth.

"And a darn fine job you're doing of that, aren't you?"

Both men frowned and looked guilty. "So what do you suggest we do now?" asked Canderous.

"You're not going to do anything," said Jolee. "Except to sit on your hands and give her some time to sort things out for herself. She's had enough life changing events for one year, thank you."

Carth picked himself up off the ground. "Fair enough. I can wait. She's worth it."

"What you say has some merit, old man," said Canderous. "And Revan's got a level head on her shoulders. I'm sure she'll make the right decision when the time comes."

"That woman's held the fate of the galaxy in her hand no less than three times," said Jolee. "_Whatever_ decision she makes, you'd better abide by it if you know what's good for you."

The rivals exchanged a nod that signaled the end of hostilities for the time being and went back inside; Carth confident that he'd be the one chosen in the end, and Canderous resolved to give Republic a good run for his money.

The end.

* * *

**This story is based on a really fun picture posted by AnimeNoelle on DeviantArt. It's called "Carth Vs. Canderous for the Hand of Revan." Thanks for the inspiration! I had a lot of fun writing it.**


End file.
